Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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