I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
