At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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