biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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