last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I skipped work to stalk him.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
