I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize