i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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