dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
