Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
