Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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