I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
