Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize