Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
