i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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