He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
