so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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