either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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