I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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