Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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