If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
