dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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