Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize