Don't you send me to vm
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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