you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
