You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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