me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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