Will you blow on my dice?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
