hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Banned from zoo.
Again?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
