I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
