And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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