FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
