I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
