Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
