who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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