I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
