New low: just hacked my moms facebook
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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