the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
last night I used snow as a chaser
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize