Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
