Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
