Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
