She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
