Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I just sharted jello shots
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