She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's the barista slut.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have so much sex to catch up on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize