I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
