Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
