When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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