I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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