I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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