I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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