i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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