you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
