Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
