Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize