Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
