can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
