I wish I could punch you in the face.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
