this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
