Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
