So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
