I think my fart just growled at me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
