You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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