Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
