I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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