Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
