DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
