I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
